Bloomington, IN 

The story that recently broke about the Wing General serving pasta salad and selling NASCAR bobbleheads continues to be some of the biggest news this summer.  We had a chance to catch up with the Wing General and ask him about these terrible allegations:

BHT Reporter:

Let's take these issues one at a time.  Is it true that you are promoting, selling and consuming pasta salad in your place of business?

Wing General:

It amazes me that the media continues to blow things way out of proportion.  I figured after 30 years that you pastaheads would get something right for once.  Now it is true that pasta salad is available for sale at the store, however it's another one of those mandates that my superiors have forced upon me.  You know, being on a zero tolerance policy is personally a bunch of sh......uh, garbage, but I have to stay within these restrictive boundries in order to remain employed.  How would you like to have a zero tolerance policy wrapped around your d....uh, neck? Huh?

BHT Reporter:

Well, I, uh...

Wing General:

Don't even try to answer that.  I already know what kind of wimp answer you are going to give.  The bottom line is..I don't like pasta salad, I don't eat pasta salad and I don't promote pasta salad.  You think you can get that right for the paper?

BHT Reporter:

Well, I, uh...

Wing General:

Good!!!  Now what is the next stupid question you want to ask me?

BHT Reporter:

Well, Mr. General...

Wing General:

That's Mr. Wing General, or "Sir" to you.

BHT Reporter:

Well, Mr. Wing General, sir...is it true that you are selling NASCAR bobbleheads in your store?

Wing General:

What kind of moronic question is that??  Where do you come up with this sh... uh, crap?  It's stupidity like this that makes me have the temper I have.  Have you been in the store to find out what is really going on with this promotion?

BHT Reporter:

Well, I, uh...

Wing General:

Of course you haven't.  You media boneheads get a hold of some vicious rumor and again blow it out of proportion.  Well, let me give you the facts.  Again, a national promotion dictated by my superiors has forced me to participate in offering a frequency card that allows customers to obtain a NASCAR bobblehead if they purchase a certain number of soft drinks. They send the card off to who knows where for their prize. Now, does that sound like I am selling these in my store?

BHT Reporter:

Well, uh...

Wing General:

No, it doesn't.  Did you see any bobbleheads in the store? Again, no you didn't.  How many times do I have to set you media mini brains straight?  Now, are there any more supid questions you want to ask, or am I going to have to show you what zero tolerance against stupidity really means??

BHT Reporter:

No, Mr. Wing General, sir.  Well, Wing General fans, there you have it, straight from the Wing General's mouth.  We can put those nasty rumors to rest.

Wing General:

Oh yeah, one more thing.  Tell anyone who says that I have been demoted to Wing Colonel to pay me a visit.  I'd like to have a personal "chat" with them.  You can tell them my new name is "Wing Czar" if they think I need to change my name.  You think you can get that straight, boy??

BHT Reporter:

Yes, Mr. Wing General, uh, Czar, sir.

Wing General:

Alright...mighty fine.  Now leave me alone while I listen to one of my new favorite musical groups....Lester "Roadhog" Moran and his Cadillac Cowboys.  You can hear them every Saturday morning on WEAK radio, or on Saturday nights at our newly named fieldhouse...the Johnny Mac Brown High School Gymnasium.

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