If the Sylvester Stallone movie about CART comes off, then Keith Allo, vice president of broadcast services, deserves high marks for pulling this thing together. It would be a nice shot in the arm for open-wheel racing in general and the FedEx Championship in particular.

But, in order for this flick to be embraced by the racing community and not become a farce like "Days of Thunder," ol' Rocky needs to make sure it's as authentic as possible.

And that's where I come in.

I have appointed myself Casting Director for the film to be titled "Champs" and Sly Baby would be smart to go with my instincts.

First off, Stallone was talking about a young stud like Leonardo DiCaprio to have the lead role, but that's not gonna fly because he's much too effeminate to play a Champ Car driver. All those weepy-eyed scenes from "Titanic" don't translate to being macho enough to handle 230 mph at Michigan.

So the first move is to get Brad Pitt. He's an instant winner at the box office, he looks edgy enough and has that charisma that's tough enough for men and sexy enough for women. Plus, he'll likely bring Jennifer Aniston to a few races.

Pitt has to play Christian Fittipaldi, because he's CART's matinee idol with the females and a championship contender for 2000.

Defending champ Juan Montoya will be played by Michael J. Fox and Mickey Rooney will play Juan's father because he was the star of "The Big Wheel" and this would be a good tie-in for the media. Mickey Rourke will be Jimmy Vasser because he's cool, cocky and wears sunglasses when it's cloudy.

The Chip Ganassi character is a no-brainer -- Don Rickles. Think about it.

Ashley Judd is Hollywood's hottest actress and a natural to play the female lead. She'll demand boyfriend Dario Franchitti plays himself and that's fine, whatever it takes to get A.J. (that's going to be her screen nickname) in this movie. Teammate Paul Tracy's good boy/bad boy persona is perfect for Sean Penn, especially when he gets that psycho grin going.

Al Pacino will be Michael Andretti because he's intense, Italian and still owes motorsports for that god-awful movie "Bobby Deerfield" in the 70s. Mario will play himself because he's had plenty of TV commercial experience and Christopher Lloyd, reverting to his character Big Jim in "Taxi," will play Carl Haas. Paul Newman will provide the film-long narration and also be a stunt driver but wants no speaking part.

Team Penske needs a comedian with a goofy laugh to play Gil de Ferran so Jim Carrey gets the nod, while the devilishly handsome Andy Garcia is a natural to be Helio Castro-Neves. There also has to be a spot in this film for Helio's sister, one of the prettiest women on this planet. Steve Martin would make a good Roger Penske because he's gray and secretive and hasn't had a winner in a long time either.

Jimmy Smits works well as Max Papis, while James Spader would be Kenny Brack and Jeffery "Hey Now" Tambor of Larry Sanders fame is Bobby Rahal. David Letterman will make a cameo appearance as Marco Greco.

Hugh Grant has already asked to play Mark Blundell and Big Mo Gugelmin fancies Bruce Willis as his alter ego.

Tony Kanaan feels like Tom Cruise would do him justice, but, in the interest of realism, his part will go to Nick Cage -- by a nose.

Richie Hearn's All-American look is perfect for Mel Gibson, Matthew Broderick (in glasses) is Bryan Herta, and Patrick Carpentier, unshaven, is a natural for Rob Lowe. Roberto Moreno is funny enough to play himself, while teammate Adrian Fernandez demands Antonio Banderas. Verne Troyer, aka Mini Me, has applied for Cristiano da Matta's role while rookies Oriol Servia, Alex Tagliani, Takuya Kurosawa and Shinju Nakano will be extras in the fight scene between Ganassi's and Haas' characters.

Pat Patrick was hoping for Bobby De Niro, but he was busy so Marlon Brando has agreed to reprise his Godfather role as Mr. P.

Michael Caine will be Andrew Craig, Walter Matthau looks set as Kirk Russell, Danny DeVito is penciled in as Bill Kamphausen, Donald Sutherland is a natural to play Bill Luchow and Kim Basinger has agreed to be Cathie Lyon. Matthew Perry wants the part of Mike Zizzo, Ron Howard will come out of retirement to play T.E. McHale and Pierce Brosnan is interested in the Steve Schunk character.

Hiring all these stars will be tough on a $65 million budget so I've suggested to Sly that he asks everyone to work for scale, gives them percentage points in the film and a ride in the Target/Honda two-seater with Mario at Laguna Seca.

And, of course, the movie will start out with Sly's character spotting Fernandez in the garage area and yelling, "Yo, Adrian!"

Two Years Later, The End Result: